Ever wonder why your blog hasn’t hit The Big Time? Me too! Lucky for you, I have figured out the secret to having a successful blog. You’re welcome in advance.
1. You aren’t annoying enough.
For some of you badass bloggers, this is going to be tough. Everyone has their own annoyances, but here are some surefire ways to start annoying your readers and keep them coming back for more.
- Dress up in complicated outfits, post numerous photos of yourself in said outfits, and then declare how easy it is to dress like that every day.
- Gush endlessly about how perfect and amazing your marriage/husband/children/life is.
- Complain about your post-baby body and then post pictures of yourself in size 0 white jeans. Then complain some more.
2. You aren’t controversial enough.
Luckily, this is a fairly easy problem to solve. Here are some suggestions on how you can start pissing off a whole lot of people asap.
- Start breastfeeding your ten year old.
- Declare cesarean sections to be the work of the devil.
- Take any firm stance on vaccinating and/or medicating your child. Any side will do.
- Dedicate your entire blog to all the proud parents who let their baby cry it out.
- Start a blog that bashes American women (this one has already been taken, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do it too).
- Copy someone else’s work without giving credit. Feel free to just cut and paste.
3. You don’t use enough four letter words.
Again, this one has a simple fix. Just insert the f-word wherever you see fit. Then add at least 15 of your favorite four letter words randomly within each blog post. Make sure to add at least one good ‘ol “Motherfucker” somewhere in there too. This seems to be the most winning combination.
4. You aren’t crafty enough and/or you don’t wear enough vintage clothing.
I know this step seems daunting. Have no fear; being crafty and vintage-y is easier than you might think. First, you must go to your nearest thrift store and buy the ugliest dress available. Put a belt on it. Ta da! Vintage wardrobe- check. Next, grab the closest home accessory or pillow you can find. Put a bird on it. Ta da! Craftiness- check.
5. You aren’t a robot and you don’t have a clone.
I can’t help you with this one. Sorry. Blogging is a lot like trying to be an octopus juggling twenty four tennis balls. You need eight arms to get the job done. Unfortunately, we only have two to work with. We all drop the ball from time to time, and that’s totally ok. Because sometimes a baby needs to be held, a spouse needs affection, and you just need some freaking sleep. Remember: the blogosphere isn’t going anywhere, but life is. And it’s going fast, so don’t get left behind.
Why do you think your blog hasn’t hit The Big Time yet?
156 comments
I love this. It rocked my face. I will never be a big-time blogger. I'm okay with that. Because I am small potatoes and write what the eff I want and on no one's timetable. Yay! (or is that sour grapes?) LOL
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:09 am
Not sour grapes! We all have our own thing. That's what is so great about it!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:09 am
Not sour grapes! We all have our own thing. That's what is so great about it!
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Love! You know what, I think I'm ok not hitting the big time. I just hope I help a few people, meet some great women bloggers and stay out of the apparent mom blog hate blogs I've been hearing about but have never actually seen. Thanks for the excellent advice! Time for sleep .
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:10 am
I don't get the hate blogs at all! People take it all SO seriously. Glad you had a laugh.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:10 am
I don't get the hate blogs at all! People take it all SO seriously. Glad you had a laugh.
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Oh so THAT explains it!! I've been wondering–but then again, I guess if I can wonder that only proves I'm not a robot.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 1:10 pm
I am a robot. lol!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 1:10 pm
I am a robot. lol!
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Well, I'll have you know that I am the MASTER of #3 and my blog has still not hit the big time. So, um… yeah!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:11 am
Hmpf. Maybe you need to cuss more? IDK.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:11 am
Hmpf. Maybe you need to cuss more? IDK.
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loved this! Tomorrow I am going out to buy an ugly dress, and I will be hot-gluing birds to everything, thank you for the help with becoming a big-time blogger!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:11 am
You're welcome.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:11 am
You're welcome.
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That was funny. I'm not crafty enough, I'm not a thrift-store-treasure-finding goddess, I'm far from perfect, and I don't curse on my blog (although I curse like a sailor in real life!). However, I consider the "big time" to be when you have followers, commenters, "likers", sponsors, and giveaways. All of which you have. It looks like you have a pretty sweet blog, I wouldn't discount it. Not at all. And I love that you have chickens. I'd love to have some, now that we finally have a backyard.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:12 am
You have to get some! Let me know if you do. Seriously. Thanks for stopping by!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:12 am
You have to get some! Let me know if you do. Seriously. Thanks for stopping by!
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I love you.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:12 am
xoxo
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:12 am
xoxo
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Ok, this had me in stitches.
I knew I was doing something wrong. Thank you so much for enlightening me.
I'll work on those cursing skills.
I had a list up as well today: Top 10 Insane Reasons to Want A(nother) Baby. Nothing as earth shattering as cracking open the secret on blogging success, but still amusing. So I'm told.
Hm… talking about my blog in the comments of another blog has to fall under #1, right?
See, I'm improving already!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:13 am
You are totally improving! lol!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:13 am
You are totally improving! lol!
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Your description of an instant vintage wardobe may or may not have just made me pee my belted mumu. Never pants, unless they are skinny jeans with 6 inch platforms. Or leather hot pants.
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staci gingery Reply:
April 7th, 2011 at 1:02 am
HAHAHAHAHA! I can totally see that belted mumu… pee stains and all! Fabulous!! Morgan made me crack up and your reply kept the laughter going!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:13 am
Peeing your belted mumu! LMFAO!
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erika Reply:
September 1st, 2011 at 2:43 am
i just snorted seriously snorted. belted mumu has made my effin day! this blog is my most favorite ever. i just might have to mention it in every single solitary post i make. i just started blogging and can't even leave this blog to finish setting mine up. gah. i am originally from san diego. so morgan, the next time i am there we have GOT to meet up and have a little blog meet up or something. for serious. haha. belted mumu. ha.
erika recently posted..alright summer, it’s time to say farewell
erika recently posted..alright summer, it’s time to say farewell
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staci gingery Reply:
April 7th, 2011 at 1:02 am
HAHAHAHAHA! I can totally see that belted mumu… pee stains and all! Fabulous!! Morgan made me crack up and your reply kept the laughter going!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:13 am
Peeing your belted mumu! LMFAO!
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erika Reply:
September 1st, 2011 at 2:43 am
i just snorted seriously snorted. belted mumu has made my effin day! this blog is my most favorite ever. i just might have to mention it in every single solitary post i make. i just started blogging and can't even leave this blog to finish setting mine up. gah. i am originally from san diego. so morgan, the next time i am there we have GOT to meet up and have a little blog meet up or something. for serious. haha. belted mumu. ha.
erika recently posted..alright summer, it’s time to say farewell
erika recently posted..alright summer, it’s time to say farewell
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Ok now I am all over this, and if it doesn't skyrocket my blog into the land of famous….I'll cry! Hee hee
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:14 am
I can say "I knew you when!"
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:14 am
I can say "I knew you when!"
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So I assume you're trying to tell me that I'm failing as a blog whore because I often stay in my jammies until bedtime, at which time I change into clean jammies? Or is it because I post pictures of my kitchen smeared in a tub of butter that was previously a brand new tub sitting on the cluttered counter top waiting to go in the fridge as I went to the bathroom for a moment?
Here I was thinking it was because I hadn't yet shelled out the $800 to buy a program to make every picture of my daughter look like her eyes were rainbow colored with sparkles…all while saying the picture is in no way tweeked, her eyes are naturally that color.
But, when you say 15 four letter words to a post, I assume you're referring to the ones proper folks don't admit to using on a regular basis…in which case does that mean I should limit myself to only 15 uses of profane words in my post, or that 15 is the minimum? Or maybe 15 different 4 letter words? Or is every post supposed to be laced in profanities and not just the random few in which my expulsion of thoughts in the moment becomes the final draft that I post because there's no way it'll ever be posted if I actually took the time to edit and proofread my drafts?
But then again, if I take a moment to think about it I think most of my better blog posts are in the form of comments on someone else's blog…
☺ @gypsy_mama
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:15 am
Hahaha! Love the post in the form of a comment. PS You should try Picasa and Photobucket. It's the poor man's Photoshop.
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erika Reply:
September 1st, 2011 at 2:52 am
u.are.hilarious.like.no.other.
erika recently posted..alright summer, it’s time to say farewell
erika recently posted..alright summer, it’s time to say farewell
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:15 am
Hahaha! Love the post in the form of a comment. PS You should try Picasa and Photobucket. It's the poor man's Photoshop.
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erika Reply:
September 1st, 2011 at 2:52 am
u.are.hilarious.like.no.other.
erika recently posted..alright summer, it’s time to say farewell
erika recently posted..alright summer, it’s time to say farewell
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I thought my blog wasn't hitting the big time because I blog in my pajamas. Perhaps if I started dressing up before I got on the computer I might make it to the big leagues.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:16 am
I'm not positive, but I think you have to be wearing at least three layers of shirts for it to work. Don't quote me on that though. Good luck!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:16 am
I'm not positive, but I think you have to be wearing at least three layers of shirts for it to work. Don't quote me on that though. Good luck!
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I love this. I'm off to by some second hand clothes and a belt, which I will wear while cross- stitching. If I hit the big time after that I'm giving you all the credit!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:16 am
I'm knitting in a polyester mumu right now.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:16 am
I'm knitting in a polyester mumu right now.
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Ha! Love this list. I have the profanity down, so I need to start working on the other 4. I don't even get Spam on my blog…
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:17 am
Let me know how the robot and clone thing works out. I still can't figure it out.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:17 am
Let me know how the robot and clone thing works out. I still can't figure it out.
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This is great! I always wondered why some of the big time blogs could get away with such crappy writing. Now I know! Guess next time I set down to write I will toss back a couple of mixed drinks and let the profanity fly.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:18 am
I think I heard somewhere that alcohol and blogging don't mix, which means they most definitely do. Let me know how it works out for you. I might have to try it.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:18 am
I think I heard somewhere that alcohol and blogging don't mix, which means they most definitely do. Let me know how it works out for you. I might have to try it.
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Finally – a reasonable explanation!! I am amazed by the crass, poorly written blogs with amazing followings. C'est la vie!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:18 am
C'est la vie indeed!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:18 am
C'est la vie indeed!
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heh. hehehehehe. heh.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:18 am
hee hee.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:18 am
hee hee.
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I can't seem to get my annoying IRL personality to come out in my blog. I'm super popular everywhere else. Seriously!
Hell, yeah, motherfucker!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:19 am
Gah! I mean- fuck!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:19 am
Gah! I mean- fuck!
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Phuuu, now I finally know why. Oh well, I guess you'll all just have to live with the way my blog is, or maybe you wont, too bad. But I'll work on it, promised (fingers crossed
).
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:20 am
It's probably better to live with the way it is.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:20 am
It's probably better to live with the way it is.
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Wow.
I do NONE of these things.
No wonder my blog is such a failure….. : (
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:21 am
Maybe ignorance is bliss. Just writing a blog is a success in of itself- congrats!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:21 am
Maybe ignorance is bliss. Just writing a blog is a success in of itself- congrats!
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this post is a perfect example of why i am so very in love with you!!! omg you have me grinning at 0915 in the morning…not easy. hilarious truth. i'll be back when i have time so i can read the comments.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:27 am
We totally have a mutual love fest happening. xo
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:27 am
We totally have a mutual love fest happening. xo
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I am a robot, and I'm still not a famous blogger! I need to go hire a husband and some kids. It would take care of #1 #2 and #3. But I haven't turned a profit from blogging, so I can't afford it. Catch 22.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:28 am
Hmmmm. Having a few kids will definitely put you further into the hole. There's no way to turn a profit after that. lol.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:28 am
Hmmmm. Having a few kids will definitely put you further into the hole. There's no way to turn a profit after that. lol.
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Couldn't be more true! But that's okay…as long as others keep paying me to write on their sites, I'm good!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:29 am
That's my motto too girlfriend! We are total soul sisters.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:29 am
That's my motto too girlfriend! We are total soul sisters.
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You forgot nudie pics? Farting?
Where is my bird hat and camera when I need them!!!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:30 am
Poop is always good too. Talk about poop whenever possible. Everyone poops.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:30 am
Poop is always good too. Talk about poop whenever possible. Everyone poops.
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too funny, thanks for making me laugh today
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:30 am
Thanks for stopping by!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:30 am
Thanks for stopping by!
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Put a bird on it!
Reminds of that 'Portlandia' episode about putting a bird on it.
Check it out….
http://www.ifc.com/videos/portlandia-put-a-bird-o…
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:31 am
Thanks for the link! I forgot to link to it when I wrote the post (it was almost midnight). Just added it up there. I freaking love that clip.
PS
You rock the vintage like no other. No belted poly mumus for you.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:31 am
Thanks for the link! I forgot to link to it when I wrote the post (it was almost midnight). Just added it up there. I freaking love that clip.
PS
You rock the vintage like no other. No belted poly mumus for you.
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hahahaha! This made my size 12 post baby body burst out into hysterical jiggling laughter! I sometimes wish my blog would be "popular" but then again, I don't have time to post daily (my octopus moves are pretty rusty lately).
Thank you for the laugh, Morgan
I needed it this morning!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:29 am
Blogging is definitely not worth killing yourself over. Glad you had a laugh though! xo
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LGuerra Reply:
April 20th, 2013 at 7:30 pm
What's wrong with being size 12, there is no shame in that hahahaha, I'm a size 10, have been for ever =).
I started a blog in 2008, it never went anywhere, but i keep it around just in case I grow more hands =). http://www.beyondarchitect.com
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:29 am
Blogging is definitely not worth killing yourself over. Glad you had a laugh though! xo
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LGuerra Reply:
April 20th, 2013 at 7:30 pm
What's wrong with being size 12, there is no shame in that hahahaha, I'm a size 10, have been for ever =).
I started a blog in 2008, it never went anywhere, but i keep it around just in case I grow more hands =). http://www.beyondarchitect.com
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This is laugh out loud funny!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:32 am
Thanks Tonya!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:32 am
Thanks Tonya!
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I like!! Millions of blogs out there. I think many enjoy sharing/building their voices despite the # of readers or income they attract. Hopefully, bloggers value will one day be much 'bigger' & appreeciated than it is now. Your personality is big on these pages. Keep up the good work.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:33 am
Thanks for stopping by Stacey! I love that everyone has different blogging goals and I love the sense of community. I hope all bloggers get the respect they deserve too.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:33 am
Thanks for stopping by Stacey! I love that everyone has different blogging goals and I love the sense of community. I hope all bloggers get the respect they deserve too.
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Note to self: Start being more annoying than usual, cuss more, and start breastfeeding Tater.
This was hilarious!!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:34 am
If you start breastfeeding Tater I want a cut of your profits.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:34 am
If you start breastfeeding Tater I want a cut of your profits.
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# 6 Write about how and how NOT to blog.
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Jessa @ DoxieNoodle Reply:
April 7th, 2011 at 9:01 am
And about what an expert you are on the subject. Just for good measure.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:34 am
Lol!
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Jessa @ DoxieNoodle Reply:
April 7th, 2011 at 9:01 am
And about what an expert you are on the subject. Just for good measure.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:34 am
Lol!
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I about peed my pants reading this. Thankfully I didn't. That would be hard to explain to my boss…since I should be working and all. This just made my day. I am ok not being a "big blogger". I am quite happy with my little following!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:35 am
Little followings are awesome! It's like having a dinner party. Large followers are great too, but it's more like a stadium concert. Still fun, but not as intimate.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:35 am
Little followings are awesome! It's like having a dinner party. Large followers are great too, but it's more like a stadium concert. Still fun, but not as intimate.
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Thanks for the smiles this morning…and the life-changing advice!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:36 am
Thanks for stopping by Ali!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:36 am
Thanks for stopping by Ali!
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That's pretty darn funny.
Off to the thrift store…
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:36 am
Happy thrifting!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:36 am
Happy thrifting!
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I'm going to cut and paste this whole post on my blog so everyone will think it's mine.
I do have to say that I think a lot of the big time bloggers are a little…untouchable. I don't read them that much because they don't interact with me like my beloved small to mid time bloggers.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:37 am
I love interaction too! I'm sure it's really hard to maintain that once your blog gets big. I wonder if the big bloggers miss it.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:37 am
I love interaction too! I'm sure it's really hard to maintain that once your blog gets big. I wonder if the big bloggers miss it.
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Well, i'll be a motherfucker. I cannot believe you've been hoarding these tips for so long!
Giggle.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:37 am
tee hee.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:37 am
tee hee.
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Morgan, I am *DYING* in hysterics over here. What's funny as I was thisclose to not even reading it bc in the back of my head I literally just listed all of those reasons… "Well, no matter what Morgan's advice is, I'm still just not hip/crafty/fashionable/controversial enough."
Oh God, I'm seriously totally still laughing. And Number one & five?? I have someone in mind :p and she is just SOOO TOTALLY AWESOME LIKE OMG! This made my entire day.
See you next week.
XO
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:38 am
Can't wait to see that cute baby bump! PS: You are totally hip and fashionable. Now if you only had a glue gun….
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:38 am
Can't wait to see that cute baby bump! PS: You are totally hip and fashionable. Now if you only had a glue gun….
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You had me at "white jeans." Seriously cannot stop laughing.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:38 am
That one is actually a true story. lol.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:38 am
That one is actually a true story. lol.
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I am so glad that you posted this! Now I know exactly what I need to do!
I think I'm going to start with the pefection of my life because that will be in complete contrast to what I've previously said. And to top it off I am going to take lots of pictures of myself in those white pants… but I'm not a 0. More like 14/16 but I will think I'm a size 0 and act like it.
Yes, I can be that person!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:39 am
Sometimes being a size zero is just a state of mind. I call it "think thin."
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:39 am
Sometimes being a size zero is just a state of mind. I call it "think thin."
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FUCK. I suppose this means you won't be visiting my post about that controversial thing I tweeted 5,000 times? Luckily for you, tomorrow I'm posting about my complicated outfit! I'll be wearing a bird-pillowcase sari harem pant dress.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:40 am
You should rock your outfit with one of those giant crochet flower forehead band things.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:40 am
You should rock your outfit with one of those giant crochet flower forehead band things.
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Oh my! You seriously had me rolling while breastfeeding. My daughter had a little laugh too! She's not 10 years old, but she is 15 months and everybody keeps telling me to get her off the boob! Anyway, awesome post…reminds me to not take things too seriously
Love it!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:41 am
It's definitely better not to take it too seriously. Being "big" doesn't really mean anything, and let's face it- NO ONE is going to be the next Dooce.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:41 am
It's definitely better not to take it too seriously. Being "big" doesn't really mean anything, and let's face it- NO ONE is going to be the next Dooce.
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well then. someone who finally comes out with it.
and now I shall go fucking swear in my posts.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:41 am
Fuck yeah!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:41 am
Fuck yeah!
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Haha! "First, you must go to your nearest thrift store and buy the ugliest dress available. Put a belt on it. Ta da! Vintage wardrobe- check."…I love that!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:41 am
lol! Isn't it so true though? hahaha!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:41 am
lol! Isn't it so true though? hahaha!
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HAHAH!! I was just looking for more vintage clothing. I shit you not. Oh wait… that's a four letter word. But it's on your blog. FACK!
Off to create a post on Twenty Complicated Ways to Wear a Beret.
Ciao!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:42 am
Oooh. Note to self: buy beret.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:42 am
Oooh. Note to self: buy beret.
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LOVE IT. This is TRUTH: "the blogosphere isn’t going anywhere, but life is. And it’s going fast, so don’t get left behind."
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:42 am
That's the only part of this post that should actually be taken seriously. Glad you got it.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:42 am
That's the only part of this post that should actually be taken seriously. Glad you got it.
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Genius Morgan. This post is too funny. Would this work for males too? hahaha probably not.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:44 am
OMG TIm- if you did all these things, you would have the biggest blog ever. You'd be in a super niche. A man mommy blogger with a filthy mouth who breastfeeds his children, and then dresses up in outfits and takes self-portraits. Actually, scratch that. You'd probably wind up on The Megan's Law list.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:44 am
OMG TIm- if you did all these things, you would have the biggest blog ever. You'd be in a super niche. A man mommy blogger with a filthy mouth who breastfeeds his children, and then dresses up in outfits and takes self-portraits. Actually, scratch that. You'd probably wind up on The Megan's Law list.
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I love this list! Can I copy and paste onto my blog? Oh wait, was I not supposed to ask for permission
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:45 am
Shoot! I mean, shit! There's always next time.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:45 am
Shoot! I mean, shit! There's always next time.
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Well, shit! I've totally been doing it wrong!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:45 am
Me too!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:45 am
Me too!
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ha, ha – i got a kick out of this – thanks!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:45 am
Glad you got a laugh!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:45 am
Glad you got a laugh!
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Oh girl, you have me in stitches. I wondered why my followers number was stalled somewhere north of 30 and now I know why! Well, mutha… Oh never mind. I'll just be a tiny blogger. At least something on me will be tiny.
Christa
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:46 am
Awww. I love tiny blogs.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:46 am
Awww. I love tiny blogs.
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Esp love the vintage part ROFL! And I thought I was gonna get some help ; )
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:46 am
Sorry! I totally faked you out!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:46 am
Sorry! I totally faked you out!
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Hilarious. My problem with a parenting/humour blog is the vicious circle: the more I blog, the less I see my kids; the less I see my kids, the less I have to blog about.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:47 am
So true!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:47 am
So true!
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Perfection. I'm so not crafty or vintage-y enough to be a badass blogger. So much truth in this post!
I think I could write the opposite to this post — 5 Reasons Why Your Blog is Failing Big Time. One being that your friends and family rave about your blog so much that you don't see a reason to improve anything.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:47 am
Lucky you!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:47 am
Lucky you!
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hilarious!!!! i'll try some of these suggestions!!!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:48 am
I can't wait for the bikini shots!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:48 am
I can't wait for the bikini shots!
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You don't mind if I just cut and paste this do you? I can change your signature to mine. It'll be fine. HA HA
This was too funny!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:49 am
I think someone else already did, but that doesn't have to stop you. Lol.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:49 am
I think someone else already did, but that doesn't have to stop you. Lol.
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so THAT's the secret. I especially love the buy an ugly dress and add a belt. That's hysterical stuff.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:49 am
I think there really might be some magic in mumus. I'm going to try it.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:49 am
I think there really might be some magic in mumus. I'm going to try it.
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Hahahahahaa. Oh my goodness, I love it! This is just awesome. What a great approach to this subject, hysterical!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:50 am
So much better to laugh it off! Why try to make sense out of something that doesn't always make sense?
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:50 am
So much better to laugh it off! Why try to make sense out of something that doesn't always make sense?
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It's all making perfect sense now.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:50 am
Glad I cleared that up for you Jill.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:50 am
Glad I cleared that up for you Jill.
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Thank you SO MUCH for clearing this up for me. Still not changing my ways though… ;-P
P.S. Thanks for making me laugh!!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:50 am
Way to stay true to yourself!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:50 am
Way to stay true to yourself!
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that's it! i didn't realize that i needed 7 photos of myself in every post. no wonder i don't have a million followers yet! now, i'm off to buy some belts!! (at the thrift store of course. DUH.)
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:51 am
More self portraits Adriel! Plus, you have a rocking bod. You can totally pull it off.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:51 am
More self portraits Adriel! Plus, you have a rocking bod. You can totally pull it off.
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That is fucking awesome advice! I'm going to post this shit on my blog tomorrow! Thanks! Happy Friday, Motherfuckers!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:52 am
That's what I like to hear beyotch!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:52 am
That's what I like to hear beyotch!
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Profanity notwithstanding, it seems to me after reading this post and its comments that the so-called big-time bloggers you're talking about are making heavy financial and time commitments to their blogs, so maybe that's why they are successful. It's a hypothesis, not a theory, but it's something to think about before resentment builds and takes over our blogging fun.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:53 am
No one should ever be resentful over blogging. That's what #5 is all about: Life is too short!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:53 am
No one should ever be resentful over blogging. That's what #5 is all about: Life is too short!
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Fuck yes. Looks like I'm on the right track!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:53 am
You go girl!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:53 am
You go girl!
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I knew it! Once I again my kids ruin everything by not being perfect enough. Gah. Me, too, actually.
In fact, my inability to put together even a simple outfit is probably keeping me from all kinds of success in life. ::SIGH::
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:54 am
Doesn't it explain everyhing? I knew I shouldn't have bought that 12 pack of tshirts at Costco. I'll never get anywhere now!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:54 am
Doesn't it explain everyhing? I knew I shouldn't have bought that 12 pack of tshirts at Costco. I'll never get anywhere now!
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Classic! This one of your best posts evah!
P.S. My home is now covered with bird appliqués and I'm wearing a muumuu with seven belts in various textures and colors. I look ridic but my blog just got 12K new followers!
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:55 am
YES! Just don't forget the rest of us minions, kay?
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becky Reply:
April 9th, 2011 at 2:43 pm
minions! that's TOTALLY what i'm missing. note to self: get some minions.
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becky Reply:
April 9th, 2011 at 2:43 pm
minions! that's TOTALLY what i'm missing. note to self: get some minions.
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thelittlehenhouse Reply:
April 8th, 2011 at 5:55 am
YES! Just don't forget the rest of us minions, kay?
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Dude, that was pretty funny! Thanks for letting me know what's missing. I will work on that asap!
New Follower.
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good god. the coup de grâce was totally the "put a bird on it" statement… especially since we just started watching portlandia recently. saw that episode last week, in fact.
i don't curse on my blog because my mom reads it. she knows i occasionally curse, but no need to throw it in her face. so i'll say it here: fuck yeah!
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Ha, I'm a week late in reading and commenting on this post – now, besides the other 5 reasons, you know why I'm a bad blogger
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How did I miss this one??
Also? Ummm…you have more comments on this post than I've ever seen on my blog at one time. Even when I reply a three times to each comment.
I hereby dub you "Big Time Blogger" or maybe "Good Time Blogger" or….
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This? it was funny. I should totally steal it for my blog. hahah.
kidding.
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LOL – this definitely had me cracking up – and it's guaran-damn-teed that I'll NEVER be a bigtime blogger… *le sigh* ah well… I get a few comments on the occasional post, what more could a girl ask for, right?
Rusti recently posted..Stream of Conciousness Sunday- Osama Bin Laden is dead now what
Rusti recently posted..Stream of Conciousness Sunday- Osama Bin Laden is dead now what
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morgan, you're a rockstar! sorry i've been out of the loop. i lost my subscription to you in the midst of first trimester hell (which i am now squeaking out of, thank goodness). trying desperately to get back on track!
this was so funny, a great way to begin my morning!
xoxo
Erin Margolin recently posted..How much are YOU worth
Erin Margolin recently posted..How much are YOU worth
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Well I was wondering where the masses were and I see they are here! Seriously though, this was a great post. I obsess waaaaay too much over my numbers.
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I laughed all the way through.
I guess I am just too normal after all. Great post!
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LOVE this post…so true! btw Joy B sent me over…
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Very funny indeed! I haven't been blogging that long, but I often feel disappointed at the lack of "success." I don't show people my "lovely" home (it's a mess), I don't have cute kids, I don't make outfits (with or without birds), I don't do vintage/flea market (hate it; would rather buy from someone else who did the work).
Thanks so much for a good laugh! and a dose of reality.
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LOVE THIS!!!! LOL. Just totally made my day!
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This still cracks me up!
JamieAnne recently posted..it’s not junk…
JamieAnne recently posted..it’s not junk…
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Ha! Great post. Except I'm pretty sure you've made the big time.
radar5 recently posted..Rainy Day Play
radar5 recently posted..Rainy Day Play
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Love this…So, I have a farting bulldog, but no birds; vintage clothes, but no birds; almost no craftiness (yet), but no birds. Dang it. I think I need birds to be successful. Thanks for the tips.
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Fantastic! Love this list!
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…I would love to see that last one illustrated: of the octopus juggling. Now that would be fun!
Totally have me in stitches (and lots of others too, it would seem) – and thank you for the magic silver bullet to 'big time blogging'… Notes taken, now off to conquer the blog'osphere ;D
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