Meet my nemesis:
I hate you- you stupid, smelly, ugly toddler potty. I’m sick of cleaning you upwards of ten times a day. You smell. You make me want to vomit- especially when you are full of nasty stinky toddler poops. I hope you die a slow and painful death that includes fire, tarantulas, razor blades, and Barney tunes.
Phew! I feel better now.
So, I guess you know where this is going. It’s time to ditch the toddler potty. So, I bought one of these:
It seemed like a reasonable compromise. Emma did not think so. She hated it. She refused to use it. Well, actually, she used it to go pee on the big toilet. Big whoop. Cleaning a little pee pee out of a toddler potty isn’t so bad. It’s the big stinking turds that I have a problem with. But, I don’t care what she thinks because I took a stand. The toddler potty is out of here.
How did she react? By going on a poop strike, of course.
At day one , I wasn’t too worried. She doesn’t always poop every day. By day two, I was expecting her to cave. “Go ahead and try to hold it in girlfriend,” I told her. “There is only one way that poo poo is coming out.” By day three, I started to get paranoid.
If history likes to repeat itself, and you know it does, there was a very good chance that Emma’s poop was going to end up on the floor, and not in the toilet. We’ve been down this path before.
I started watching her like a hawk. I knew she was trying to get out of my sight so she could wander into a dark corner of the house a drop a deuce, but it was not going to happen. Not on my watch.
We managed to make it the entire day without any poop on the floor, but we didn’t get any in the toilet either. When my husband came home from work, I gave him an update on the poop strike, and headed to my bedroom to nurse the baby. Emma followed, as she always does, and played with a basket of toys I keep for her on the floor at the foot of my bed.
I realized about ten minutes later that I hadn’t heard anything from her. I called for her. She was totally M.I.A. Then, I smelled it. Oh yes, there was feces, human feces, somewhere in my room. I frantically started calling for my husband. “Get in here!” I yelled. “You have got to find the poop and get it out of here! I’m dying! I’m going to barf! Hurry, hurry!”
He walked in the room and started searching for the elusive poo poo. It only took him about a minute to find it. You know why? It was RIGHT NEXT TO MY BED. In order to give you the most accurate account of the story, I have included an image:
I know it’s gross. I had to do it. Sorry. Just so you can fully understand what I’m talking about, do you see that brown fabric in the lower left hand corner of the photo? That’s my EFFING BED SKIRT! OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG. Thank god I didn’t step in it.
What was she thinking? I cannot believe she walked right next to my bed, squatted down, and took a dump like six inches from me. Plus, how did I not hear her? That girl has some amazing ninja-like pooping skills, I tell you.
So, the toddler potty has made a re-appearance.
The score:
Toddler Potty: 1
Me: 0
I will destroy you, Toddler Potty. You are going down. This is not over.
Stay tuned.
You can read about how this all got started here: The Poo Poo Goes in the Potty
37 comments
I too hate the potty chair! I actually never bought one and always used the one that just sits on top of the toilet!
And I have to say, that while not funny to you at the time, was absolutely hilarious to me!
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The Little Hen House Reply:
September 27th, 2010 at 1:13 am
You are a true, seasoned mother. I think the toddler potty is for innocent first time mothers who have yet to understand how disgusting toddler poop is. The baby will not have an option.
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The Little Hen House Reply:
September 27th, 2010 at 1:13 am
You are a true, seasoned mother. I think the toddler potty is for innocent first time mothers who have yet to understand how disgusting toddler poop is. The baby will not have an option.
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I wish I could say I'm shocked/disturbed/grossed out by that picture. But I'm not. It didn't even really register as anything out of the ordinary. That's how (literally) crappy potty training has been!
The funny thing is, we bought that same potty thing, then the seat, and then we bought another potty thing. *sigh*
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The Little Hen House Reply:
September 27th, 2010 at 2:23 am
Damn that toddler potty to hell.
It's sad how immune we become to cleaning poop.
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The Little Hen House Reply:
September 27th, 2010 at 2:23 am
Damn that toddler potty to hell.
It's sad how immune we become to cleaning poop.
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Oh Lord!!!!!!!!!!! So this is what I have to look forward to someday?! Funny – in a gross, vomit in my mouth kind of way
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The Little Hen House Reply:
September 27th, 2010 at 2:22 am
If you have a dog I think it will be much easier on you. I'm not used to picking up poop.
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The Little Hen House Reply:
September 27th, 2010 at 2:22 am
If you have a dog I think it will be much easier on you. I'm not used to picking up poop.
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So glad I was eating a Hershey's miniature candy as I read this blog. So happy.
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The Little Hen House Reply:
September 27th, 2010 at 2:21 am
Muah hahahahahahaha!!!!!
Sorry.
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The Little Hen House Reply:
September 27th, 2010 at 2:21 am
Muah hahahahahahaha!!!!!
Sorry.
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You're making me super excited for potty training. I mean, I was already pretty excited, but now? So excited that I want to cry.
I hope Emma soon decides that the big potty seat is where it's at.
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The Little Hen House Reply:
September 27th, 2010 at 2:52 am
Oh, you'll definitely be crying.
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The Little Hen House Reply:
September 27th, 2010 at 2:52 am
Oh, you'll definitely be crying.
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Oh no! I am so NOT looking forward to potty training! I wish you all the luck on this joyously stinky, brown, and poopy journey!
-Jessica
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Oh holy god, that was hilarious. I didn't use a potty with the first, he went straight to toilet. The second got one, bought by first-time dad
. She's been relatively uninterested in it except for the first day, so I think I'm going to throw it out before it becomes an issue. I laughed so frickin' hard at the bedside shit though. Thanks for sharing.
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The Little Hen House Reply:
September 27th, 2010 at 2:48 pm
Omg- get rid of it now!
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Stay At Home Babe Reply:
September 28th, 2010 at 4:29 pm
I totally did. I threw it out as soon as I finished typing. Thanks for the nudge!
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Stay At Home Babe Reply:
September 28th, 2010 at 4:29 pm
I totally did. I threw it out as soon as I finished typing. Thanks for the nudge!
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The Little Hen House Reply:
September 27th, 2010 at 2:48 pm
Omg- get rid of it now!
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This is hilarious! I love that you included the image. (after potty training four individuals, NOTHING grosses me out. well, maybe vomit.)
Not that you asked, but here's my advice: buy the baby bjorn potty. It is very easy to clean and lacks crevices ($20 at Drugstore.com). Expensive, but worth every penny.
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The Little Hen House Reply:
September 30th, 2010 at 3:11 pm
If $20 saves me from nearly vomiting ten times a day then I consider it money well spent. Thanks for the advice!
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The Little Hen House Reply:
September 30th, 2010 at 3:11 pm
If $20 saves me from nearly vomiting ten times a day then I consider it money well spent. Thanks for the advice!
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To be honest, I'd much rather just pick a log off the floor than scrape it out of the blasted potty…or spray it off of a friggin' cloth diaper.
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The Little Hen House Reply:
September 27th, 2010 at 2:49 pm
There is something easier about just picking up a turd in one fail swoop. When you dump the poop out of the potty seat it leaves streaks everywhere.
Excuse me while I go barf now.
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The Little Hen House Reply:
September 27th, 2010 at 2:49 pm
There is something easier about just picking up a turd in one fail swoop. When you dump the poop out of the potty seat it leaves streaks everywhere.
Excuse me while I go barf now.
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Okay, I know I'm not supposed to laugh, but I am SO laughing.
Welcome to the poop party.
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The Little Hen House Reply:
September 27th, 2010 at 2:50 pm
It's ok to laugh. It's better than crying, which is what I'm doing right now.
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The Little Hen House Reply:
September 27th, 2010 at 2:50 pm
It's ok to laugh. It's better than crying, which is what I'm doing right now.
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I am so sorry…I am laughing so hard right now! Is it awful that you just made my day by writing about poo? Yes, probably, but I share your feelings so very deeply!
My son decided to fish it out of his diaper and smear it all over his body. It was horrendous at the time, but I am glad I snapped pictures. Blackmail baby! One day, you'll be able to look back upon this with a smile…maybe…or just fight the urge to barf.
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The Little Hen House Reply:
September 30th, 2010 at 3:13 pm
You know, your story is actually making me feel better about my own poop situation. I would probably have to burn my house down and move if either one of my children smeared poop on themselves or anything else. Thanks for sharing. I mean it.
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The Little Hen House Reply:
September 30th, 2010 at 3:13 pm
You know, your story is actually making me feel better about my own poop situation. I would probably have to burn my house down and move if either one of my children smeared poop on themselves or anything else. Thanks for sharing. I mean it.
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I am SO not ready for the poop party. You're immune, wanna come train mine when Emma's done?
Right now Mad pats her bottom and tells me she's pooped her diaper. "Thanks kid, like the smell didn't give it away!"
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The Little Hen House Reply:
September 28th, 2010 at 1:39 am
I wasn't ready either. Emma had been showing signs right before the baby was born. It just wasn't a good time. I think changing diapers at my own convenience is much easier than taking her to the potty every couple hours. She's basically potty trained herself. Now I just have to get her off the damn toddler potty. Yuck.
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The Little Hen House Reply:
September 28th, 2010 at 1:39 am
I wasn't ready either. Emma had been showing signs right before the baby was born. It just wasn't a good time. I think changing diapers at my own convenience is much easier than taking her to the potty every couple hours. She's basically potty trained herself. Now I just have to get her off the damn toddler potty. Yuck.
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I almost peed my pants laughing so hard when I scrolled down to see the picture of the poo! And to think you get to go through this again with your baby!
My youngest daughter would only poo outside. I thought I was the luckiest mom when she started this (we lived in the country). It took me almost two years to get her to start pooping inside on the potty!
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The Little Hen House Reply:
September 28th, 2010 at 10:02 am
Emma is going to die when she gets older. I should start saving for therapy now. :/
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The Little Hen House Reply:
September 28th, 2010 at 10:02 am
Emma is going to die when she gets older. I should start saving for therapy now. :/
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Nothing like a little tootsie roll to wake up to. My kids never once sat on the freakin potty thingy…it even played a song when wet! So no – they just used it as a step stool for putting their little tushies on the big toilet.
Good luck w/ the battle. Fight strong. With gloves.
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had to be notified…sorry for another comment :p
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What a funny story. Funny now, not then. I am SO dreading potty training!!
Also. Thanks for the visual.
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Eff the toddler potty. We bought one of course, (every new parent to potty training does), but when it came down to actually using it and thinking about having to clean that darn thing out every time our girl went potty — NO WAY. It thus became a step stool for the other potty seat that rested on top of the big potty. This worked wonders. I just hope this method works as well for my son as it did with my daughter.
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The Little Hen House Reply:
September 30th, 2010 at 3:14 pm
Hi Lindsay! I'm so happy you read this. btw- I love the step stool idea. I'm thinking of turning mine into a planter.
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The Little Hen House Reply:
September 30th, 2010 at 3:14 pm
Hi Lindsay! I'm so happy you read this. btw- I love the step stool idea. I'm thinking of turning mine into a planter.
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Interesting. Our kids must be talking telepathically to each other. I too just graduated from the Elmo potty to a potty seat after watching my son try to sit on my nieces and just throw his pampers/pull ups in his. My last incident of poop was the poop trail from my sons room, to my room and back down the foyer…
It's a lot of work getting the kid to wee wee or poo. Part of me just wants him to go and do it on his own or when he's ready. I'm still sort of okay with changing the diapers. Is that bad? Who cares…
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The Little Hen House Reply:
September 30th, 2010 at 3:16 pm
Emma has zero interest in going in a pull up or diaper anymore, but she is equally uninterested in using the big potty.
I say give it up. I think changing diapers is way easier than what we are going through right now. Plus, how many college graduates do you know that are still in diapers? I don't really want to know the answer to that btw.
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The Little Hen House Reply:
September 30th, 2010 at 3:16 pm
Emma has zero interest in going in a pull up or diaper anymore, but she is equally uninterested in using the big potty.
I say give it up. I think changing diapers is way easier than what we are going through right now. Plus, how many college graduates do you know that are still in diapers? I don't really want to know the answer to that btw.
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Oh.My.Grossness! That is freakin' hilarious! I also hate our toddler toilet and can't wait to burn it after our youngest learns that the toilet is his friend…. Loved the story!!!
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I just snorted I was laughing so hard! You are too funny.
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Good tips here! They don’t work for everyone though. Parents who have tried everything and failed know.. one thing that has worked consistently for my 2 kids and thousands of other parents and kids is a guide that trains kids in 3 days! check it out http://pottytrainingindays.blogspot.com/
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